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Ugh [Jul. 29th, 2014|01:27 pm]
Apparently She's Easy
Panicky morning.
Started worrying about finances.
Crunched numbers.
Got more concerned.
Remembered I have one final French paycheck coming.
Might just get out of this summer breaking even.
LinkBite Me

Today, I saw a woman being beaten. [Oct. 30th, 2013|10:09 pm]
Apparently She's Easy
I was walking in the metro, making the connection from La Chapelle to Gare du Nord. I had on a backpack, my purse under my left arm, and a third bag between my arms in front of me, in preparation for several days in Brussels.

I have been thinking about it all day.

I am still surprised at how little sound there was. In the movies, every fist connects with a thud, the same thud, be it to face, chest, what have you.
I remember very little sound as his fist connected with her face three times in quick succession.

He stood up after that, let her drop, and then turned around and kicked her in the head.

And I stood there.
I watched.
I did not cry out. I looked left and right, and saw perhaps 15, perhaps 20 people like me, who were not sure how they were supposed to change what was happening in front of them.

I saw one man, also black, and a second, walk up to the man doing the beating after that kick to the head, and force him away from the woman (girl? prostitute? undeserving), I presume telling him to calm down, I know yelling at him that that last action crossed some sort of line. I saw her lift her head, dazed, not yet swelling. She lay back down.
She raised her head. She made a vague crawling motion.
She lay back down.
She raised up again, and crawled away, toward a wall.
I noticed the long runs in her black tights, and her red shorts, and her short hair, and her beautiful full lips.

I stood there and I watched.

I watched as yet another man from the crowd came up to her, tried to help her crawl away, tried not to invade her space while still asking if she was all right.

I watched for another 20 seconds, and then I walked away.
I glanced back, several times.
I was already castigating myself for having said nothing, for not having cried out, for not having gone up to that girl before that man did, for not setting down at least one of my bags, which is of far less worth than a human life.

I walked away, wondering what kind of person I am, that I did not make a sound.

I told the first security officer I saw, that a woman had been hit. I was a little flustered. I said 'frappée.' I should have said 'battue.'

I think my father would tell me that I did the right thing, in going to an official figure for help, in not throwing myself in the middle of an obviously dangerous situation. I do not know the man who hit her, who kicked her - what reason do I have to believe that he would not have done the same to me?

And yet.

I was silent, I was still, and I cannot reconcile the hands that shook with adrenaline while lighting up a cigarette with the hands of a girl who has always daydreamed about 'being brave' and 'fighting back', if only she were to be given the opportunity.

Part of my conflict lies in the fact that I am not entirely convinced that I am ashamed, or that I should be ashamed, what with discretion being the better part of valor.

I saw a woman being beaten today.
I have never seen violence like that before.
I can only resolve that next time, which there will be, as much as there should not be,
I will not be still and I will not be silent.
LinkBite Me

Today has been...productive thus far? [Oct. 14th, 2013|07:22 pm]
Apparently She's Easy
It's 7:15. Soup is simmering in the pot. After I went to the grocery store to get things for it. After I played online for an hour. After I got home from being at school until 4 because I let 9 kids take the quiz today instead of tomorrow, since tomorrow is a holiday. During which time, I graded all of their homework that was turned in last week.

There are still an infinite number of things I should do. Like fold the sheets on the end of the bed. Wash the dishes. Try and write on my thesis. Try and revise my AAUW app (especially since I kind of need it polished by tomorrow when I'm supposed to ask an advisor for a letter of rec. Hrm. Definitely better do that one.). But right now I'm hungry, and also impressed with myself for actually getting my butt up and cooking something, and not much inclined to do those things.

DSC05423
See? Cooking!

So I will let it cook, and then I will eat, and then I will edit. Like a boss.
LinkBite Me

(no subject) [Oct. 4th, 2013|01:40 am]
Apparently She's Easy
Rain has been coming down sporadically all night.

Looks like its another one where I won't be much inclined to sleep until it's far too late to do me any good.

Fortunate that tomorrow's plans don't involve librarying.
LinkBite Me

Today, apparently, I did nothing but pick my nose. [Sep. 24th, 2013|11:12 pm]
Apparently She's Easy
[Tags|, ]

This is not true, in fact, but that's what it feels like.

Teach English 9-12
Theatre 1pm to plan schedule
- this one took about an hour longer than expected, leaving not enough time for post office or translator
Go to bank, pick up credit card - yay!
Post office
Translator
Dishes
Email director
Fellowship 1 hr
- more like 1.5
Thesis 1 hr
Week 3 reading
Mark up article printed yesterday

On the upside, I got unexpectedly paid today for some translating/editing work that I did, which offsets yesterday's purchase of printer, etc. Even after paying for the tights that I treated myself to (which are super cute, no?).
Japantights
LinkBite Me

Today: Success [Sep. 23rd, 2013|09:24 pm]
Apparently She's Easy
[Tags|, , ]

Today, I accomplished all of the things on my list. I taught, held office hours, went to the copy shop to pick up tomorrow's packets, bought a printer (yay!) and a can opener (which is shit!), and cooked real food for dinner. The first print job was an 80-page monster, but it makes me happy because now I can scribble all over it. And for dinner, once I finally got the damn can open, I heated up the duck thighs, and then once most of the fat had melted, switched them to another pan and stuck carrots and potatoes into the fat to simmer for an hour. It was delicious.

Of course, this now means that all of my dishwashing from yesterday has been undone, which is most unfortunate. Upside, I have leftovers.

Yesterday was only partially successful. To be fair though, there was an awful lot of unexpected Skype time. And most of the things I didn't get done off of yesterday's list, like finishing revising my fellowship application, I got done today.

Tomorrow, I teach (boo), hit the copy shop with one more sheet that I didn't correct in time for today, hit the theatre to plan out the schedule for the next three months, and want to hit the post office to mail things to people, since I'm about a week behind on that, with a skype call at 10 to wrap things up. Ideally, I will behave myself when I get home and spend at least an hour on thesising, and if I'm really good, an hour on the next set of applications that are due.

It helped that today was sunny and warm and did not involve dealing with bureaucracy. Now if only there was a fairy to wash my dishes for me.
LinkBite Me

(no subject) [Sep. 22nd, 2013|12:15 am]
Apparently She's Easy
Of all of the things I was this summer, and to be sure, covetous of my alone time was one of them, I was never lonely.

I am lonely here, right now.
Link2 Hickeys|Bite Me

This. [Sep. 20th, 2013|11:46 am]
Apparently She's Easy
This right here.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/hnigatu/comics-that-capture-the-frustrations-of-depression

Not all of them apply. I don't have trouble getting out of bed.
But I spend what feels like 50% of my awake time incredibly angry and unhappy for no reason, and I can't make it go away right now, and I really don't want a repeat of Fall quarter 2011.
And all I can do is push through and wait for it to get better.
LinkBite Me

More being accountable. But also, an actual entry. [Sep. 18th, 2013|10:19 pm]
Apparently She's Easy
[Tags|, , ]

Today was full of all kinds of frustrations. Getting to the BnF was fine, but they've changed their reservations system, which is a bit weird. Probably an effort not to waste places on the 400 or so people a day who don't show up. Getting used to it shouldn't be too difficult. One of the books I ordered was completely useless, however, and more importantly, I forgot that this laptop needs the dongle in order to connect to a cable and so, having left the dongle at home, I was internetless at the library. Not insurmountable, but irritating.
So then, after successfully reading a couple things and glaring "I don't care" at another couple, I decided to call it a day early, since I needed athletic shoes for zumba. Left the BnF at 345ish, got to the bank at 423. There's a sign on the door informing all and sundry that they will not be allowing customers to take out cash after 430 today (no explanation). At 432, with two people at the counter and one in line ahead of me, I decide to cut my losses and try another branch down the road, even though my backpack is heavy and my feet hurt. Get there only to be informed that 1) I can only take out money in person at the branch where I opened the account and 2) because I cancelled my card via the web, and avoided any fees, there's a 475euro limit on withdrawals, effectively fucking my plans to take out 1000 to cover the two months' rent I'm supposed to be paying tomorrow. It also means that, because money is currently transferring in my American accounts, I can't take out any money at all today, which means I have 75euro to do all the things I need to do - including getting shoes, which, when nice Asics cost 160, is not going to be easy. I'm also now pressed for time, because Zumba is at 615, which means I don't have time to go running all over town because I also need to go home and change. Ended up popping into the cheapshit store where I bought my purse and at least one very bad umbrella, found a pair of black lace-up canvas things that smell immensely of chemicals for 23euro, and pronounced them satisfactory.
Zumba itself turned out to be pretty great, despite my late arrival. I am looking forward to the next two classes. I might also be able to find friends through it, who knows. It's hard not to smile when you're all sweating and looking like idiots trying to keep up with the teacher.
And then, to finish things off, I came home with every intention of cooking my canned duck only to find that I do not, in fact, have the right kind of can opener. So I ordered mediocre sushi instead. The end.

Big Things that Need Doing in Small Pieces
Due 10/15 (but really 9/15): Woodrow Wilson Fellowship application - 9 parts 3 parts totally done, 5 parts halfway done
Due 10/15: Revise prospectus - so many parts, but making progress
Due 9/20: Collecting visa renewal application documents - many parts, needs to come together tomorrow
Due starting 9/23: Revamp syllabus - choose texts, write up comprehension sheets, revise lessons, 2 of 13 done

Today's To-Do
BnF 11am
Zumba 615pm
Go to bank
Buy shoes
Shower

Finish writing proposal
Research for the parts of the proposal needing revising/writing - started
Email two people
Dishes
Put away clothes

So basically...the important parts of today didn't really get done. F.
LinkBite Me

Today: Started well, ended poorly [Sep. 9th, 2013|11:18 pm]
Apparently She's Easy
[Tags|, , , ]

In an attempt to hold myself accountable to some faceless internet without overwhelming my fb feed, I am going to post daily about what I got done and what I didn't get done. Hopefully it will motivate me and encourage me by showing me that things are in fact getting taken care of, even if I don't always get every day's tasks accomplished. I'm also going to put up a post for yesterday, because it was my first full day back, and I can.

Big Things that Need Doing in Small Pieces
Due 10/15 (but really 9/15): Woodrow Wilson Fellowship application - 9 parts
Due 10/15: Revise prospectus - so many parts
Due 9/20: Collecting visa renewal application documents - many parts
Due starting 9/23: Revamp syllabus - choose texts, write up comprehension sheets, revise lessons

Today's tasks
Pick up lesson materials from university
Revise lessons for weeks 1 and 2
Choose texts, write up comprehension sheets
Week 1 materials to copy shop
Print Groupon, train tickets

BnF - Couldn't go, because they're closed for two weeks. In September. Wtf?
Read 4 works on pedagogy/medieval theory on women readers - see above
Create network map for thesis
Order books
ILL anything on list not available at BnF
Email landlord for visa documents

Work on fellowship proposal - I looked at the website, I wrote things down. This counts, right?
Vacuum
Dye hair?

Things I've learned: I really, honestly do need to use the nuclear option on the StayFocused app. *sigh*

Tomorrow's schedule
10-11: Errands
11-1: Fellowship
1-2: Errands
2-4: Thesis
4-5: Errands
5-7: Fellowship
7-8: Emails
8-10: Fellowship

Doesn't that just look like the funnest day ever?
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